i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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