So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
