I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
