started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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