Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
