My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
