Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
