I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
