I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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