rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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