girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
