I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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