who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
