i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
