Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
