Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
