do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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