I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
