new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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