How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
