theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
