just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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