I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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