If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
how do you play pong handcuffed?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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