I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
