You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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