omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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