I'm drive I can fine osifer
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Randomize
