Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
