Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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