i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
