I love black thongs
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
