I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
