What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
