ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
