Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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