I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
