Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
