"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
