Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
