Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
