my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
