I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
