You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
