the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
