my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
