I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
