R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
