Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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