I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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