Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
