I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
