I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
